second pregnancy - will I ever be ready for it?

I thought I should make a quick post about my thoughts today...

Yesterday, I've read about another pregnancy announcement. Someone I know is expecting a third child. Whoaaa - I cringed at the thought of being in her shoes. If I'd be pregnant again, it would still be my second but I don't think I am ready. Will I ever be ready?

This whole pregnancy scare thing is driving me nuts. I remembered this wasn't the feeling I had prior. I know that not all pregnancies are the same but I really can't help but think about my first pregnancy. It was difficult but it was all worth it. But should I go through it again? That I still do not know.

So, when will I or we be ready for a second child? Here are my serious considerations..

1. When we are ready financially. Raising a child or kid would really challenge our ability to make more money for the family to feed; and if we are not up for that challenge yet, I guess we need to be responsible couples and adults when it comes to physical intimacy.

2. When I would be physically, emotionally and mentally ready for it. Right now, I am still dwelling on the thoughts of experiencing yet another difficult pregnancy that could seriously push me to my deathbed. Maybe this whole deathbed thought is just plain exaggeration but I'll probably just wait for the time when I would be ready.

I guess this all adds up to a single point - and that is readiness. This doesn't mean though that in case pregnancy comes at an unexpected time that I would not not stand up to it. In fact, that would probably be the time that I would welcome it because a child is always a blessing and I don't want any child to feel less wanted and loved.

Okay... So when will be ready for it? When I am already facing such reality.

amenorrhea caused by stress...

Okay. That's it. Stress and lots of stress. That's the culprit. It looks like I'm going to have to deal with amenorrhea every now and then. Unlike before where I got paranoid over the thought of a second pregnancy, this time I knew that I was not pregnant even if it has been two months since my last period. Work and pressing deadlines had been extremely challenging to the point that I'm losing hours of my sleep for the past two months that I am a hundred and one percent positive that my missed periods weren't indication of an impending pregnancy.

In fact, I even talked to a nurse friend last week that I was more worried of a menopause rather than the thought that I could be pregnant. Haha! We just laughed at my hypothetical thoughts because she and I both know that I'm still in my mid 30's. I must say though that it was hard to be intimate with hubby these past few months without pregnancy scare even though hubby and I were both responsible enough to have thought about "protected intimacy".

So, when I got the chance to finally overcome stress and think about taking a pause and get all the rest that I need, my monthly visit has finally returned!